Very well. War it is.

[Blane]

(Sigh). Since one of you poorly educated, slightly mentally challenged fools have stolen a pair of my favorite socks, it seems the only sensible thing to do is to declare war on the lot of you.

Be prepared, for the Asur, through many bribes and magical beguilings, have acquired all of your postal codes. Soon, it will be your addresses. And then....then you shall weep, for it is WE who shall steal your of socks...ALL your socks. Especially, your favorite ones.

Lethran the Claimer

[shoe]

Outrageous!
How dare you accuse the upstanding province of a lowly and debased crime. We will not tolerate any further arrogance masked as self righteousness. Averland soliders don't even wear shoes, much less your foppish elven socks. A man has callouses to protect his feet not fabric.
Be warned that if any elf sets foot in our territory we will sock it to them. With cannons.

Carlos Hapsburg, Elector Count in Succession of Averland

[Blane]

My my, how the runt-races have run amok. The fact that your peasant-warriors do not wear shoes only further implicates your nation in the theft; you are jealous of our carefully woven socks!

And tell me Sir Hapsburg, what use do you have of finely crafted cannons if you haven't the skill nor the eyes to shoot them?
To think that we wasted our breath teaching the power of the Eight Lores of Magic to the likes of you .

Be warned in return would-be elector count of Averland, you deal with an Elder race. We shall outlive you just as we did your many predecessors.

Let the War of The Sockless begin.



Lethran the Claimer, Fleet Master of Caledor.

[shoe]

You pretty elves, if you'd stop spending time preening in front of a mirror, maybe you could find yourself some battlefield experience. You bring your army within 60" of Averland territory and we'll show you the skill of our cannoniers.

I wouldn't give you my spit for your "finely woven socks", and stealing is the kind action one would typically expect from an elf, a race which traditionally resorts to scheming and bedevilery. You can expect that if an Averlander ever takes something from you, it'll be after he takes your dignity in a fair fight.

I'll take no heed of your warnings. I just hope you don't die of old age before your boats ever reach our shores. I wouldn't want to be cheated of the oppurtunity of running you liars and thieves through myself.

And to prove our innocence to the rest of your ilk, should they dare accuse us of such falsehoods again, I'll send back to your island the feet of every elf we kill, with their socks intact.

Carlos Hapsburg, Elector Count in Succession of Averland

[Blane]

Then that shall be your epitaph.

[shoe]

That's an awfully long epitaph. I guess elves' tombstones are as big as their egos.

[Blane]

As I have mentioned, we are quite long lived and have copious amounts of time on our hands. Actually, before we attempt to destroy each other, I shall arrange for a copy of the longest Dwarven epitaph we have ever recorded to be sent to you. It boggles the mind. The Thane just went on and on to recite every single last grudge in the book against us...and a few that weren't. In total, it took 3 full parchments and 2 ink pots to record it. I hopefully, it shall amuse you as it did us.

No need in being barbaric even though we are at war.

Lethran the Claimer, Fleet Master of Caledor.

[shoe]

Hah! A good dwarf joke is something all races can find common ground with.
Well then it is good to know that this will be a war between nobles and races of learning and civility. I take it we can both agree to Olof Skotkonung's Principles of Warfare, as to the treatment of captured officers and liverly?

Carlos Hapsburg, Elector Count in Succession of Averland

[stonebrow]

Let it be known that on this day the flimsy Elves have declared war on the Dwarfs.

Leave it to the Elves to lose their shoddy clothes and accuse others for their poor memory.

Let the throng be gathered, a reckoning is to be had.

King Maldor the White, Son of Ganor Black Brow.

[Blane]

By Asuryan, now we've done it Sir Hapsburg. The Dwarfs have been roused from their hibernation. Prepare yourself, for in 3 decades, their armies will reach our holds. Try and have as many children as possible and train them for war, research new machines of war, build relationships with neighboring nations, find a cure for the plague, elect a new Count (for the other one died of old age), build miles of trenches, moats, a probably a few new castles for good measure. Oh, and I highly suggest you develop a method of deploying lakes. It can be very effective. Hopefully, after three decades of preparation, they shouldn't be too much trouble.

Lethran the Claimer, Fleet Master of Caledor.

[shoe]

Hah!
Or we could build a five foot ledge around the city. Last time we had a problem with dwarves we put a sign saying "free gold, just go south". Our scouts last saw the dwarves around the badlands, still headed south. In any case I've heard conflicts with Dwarves are usually a short affair with little casualities, and a small inconvience.

But if I may mention a serious threat; I've heard tell of an upsurge of orcs and trolls recently. You'd do best to pay mind of that. I'd hate for a horde of animals to interupt a perfectly good war.

Carlos Hapsburg, Elector Count in Succession of Averland

[Blane]

Hmmmm, I thank you for the warning Sir Hapsburg. This is indeed an alarming situation. Perhaps we can use it to our advantage however; the Dwarfs harbor a particularly vile hatred for the green skined, one that dwarfs the one between the Asur and the Short Ones.
Why not simply let the grudges play themselves out while we settle our own gentlemanly duel?

Now, I shall in turn warn you of another threat. Spring is upon us, and with it comes the thawing of Athel Loren. And I must say that our distant cousins do not prone the use of diplomacy when it comes to war. They will strike without warning and keep no prisoners. Be on your guard.

Lethran the Claimer, Fleet Master of Caledor.

[drdanimalsize]

I look forward to tasting the flesh of many races, and to extend my rule and my glorious wasteland.

And to you Count Hapsburg, we will see who will be the beast and who will be the master soon enough. I hope your head is as inflated as it sounds, I am in need of a larger skull to sip the victory wine from.

Khainor the Blackened, Exalted Champion

[Blane]

Khainor? Is he actually serious? So his sleeper-of-a-mother, whom he undoubtedly ate after his profane birth, decided to try and be original did she?

Peh, careful Sir Hapsburg, ''Sigmarus'' is probably next along with ''Asuryuryan''. I swear, this is straight out of a play from that author of yours, what was his name? Dieter? No matter. I shall look forward to ridding the World of this epically-named upstart in a most cruel fashion, befitting of his name.

Although I must say that the Summer looks to be very entertaining.

Lethran the Claimer, Fleet Master of Caledor.